I'm Sorry
by AusllyBade4Ever
Summary: Dear Ally, Dear Tish, Dear Dez... I'm sorry


**A/N: Hello people i am hoping are reading this:) i havnt posted in what has felt like forever. I have been working on this one story that i want to have finished before i post and oh my word is it taking a long time to write. Anyways..**

**this story takes place after the first episode of season 4..before things started to look up for Austin..anyways i hope you enjoy this please review:)**

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN AUSTIN ALLY TRISH OR DEZ **

* * *

One day. Two hours. That's how long it had been since Austin Moon committed suicide. And in that time Ally Dawson's life turned upside-down.

She sat on the piano in the practice room they once shared, the note gripped tightly in her hands. It was all she had left of him.

_Dear Ally, _

_I don't even know how to start this but…I'm sorry. I just can't do this anymore. I don't know what I am without making music. I just feel empty and worthless. And I can't stop the voices in my head. That sounds so cheesy I know but I guess I'm a cheesy guy. Ever since I met you I knew you would change my life. And you have. If it weren't for you I probably would have done this a while ago. I've been suffering from mild depression for about 4 years…you changed things for me though…you made everything better…no one knew I had depression…not even Dez…anyway that's beside the point. I love you more than anything Ally. Please_ don't be sad_. I love your smile and I'd never want to take it away. I just can't deal with this pain anymore. Thank you for everything you've done for me. I love you so much. There's no way I could make it without you. _

_Love,_

_Austin _

She stared at the paper in her hands, completely at a loss for words. Tears started to fall from her eyes and her heart raced. She didn't know what to do all she could do is stare lifelessly at the note. The door cracked open and she looked up. Trish walked in holding a note of her own in her hands. Ally burst into tears, holding her head in her hands. Trish rushed over to her, sitting beside her on the bench and wrapping her arms around her friend.

"Ally I'm so sorry." She says her voice cracking with her own tears.

"It's my fault" Ally whispers into her shoulder.

"Ally don't say that" she says. Manic, Ally shoots up beginning to pace the room.

"No it's my fault. How could I not see he was hurting how could I not have been there for him how could-"

"Ally" Trish interrupted her, pacing a hand on her shoulder. "Ally, this isn't your fault"

"Yes it is Trish!" she sobbed. "All of this is my fault! I'm the reason he killed himself"

"no you're not Ally he was depressed because he couldn't do what he loves-"

"yeah because of me" it is silent for a moment as they stare at each other. She starts to cry again, crumbling to the floor.

She hugs her legs to her chest, burying her head between her knees .Trish slowly sits beside her, timidly reaching her hand up to rub Ally's back. She wiggles it off.

"just leave me alone" She whimpers. Trish stares at the broken girl once more before silently standing up and walking out of the room, a single tear slipping from her own eyes. The door clicks shut and she picks her head up looking around the practice room.

"why would you leave me!" she screams to the sky, tears running down her face. "I need you! I can't live without you! You're my best friend, my partner, my soul mate!" she sobs hard, gripping the carpet beneath her tightly. "I loved you! I love you! I still love you! I will always love you!" She screams at the top of her lungs. She cries again, her anger turning into despair.

"did you love me?" she asks, her voice cracking. "You said you did yet you still left me. You left me here. I miss you so much Austin. I need you. I-I need your love I need your hugs I want nothing more than to be in your arms" she whimpers, crying profusely and lying on the floor, curled up in a tight ball.

Her tears wet the floor as she squeezes her eyes shut tight. She shakes her head vigorously.

"I'm sorry" she whispers, unable to stop her tears from flowing out. "I'm so sorry Austin. You did so much for me. You made me feel loved. Made me feel special. Like I was the only girl in the world. You made me feel protected and safe and warm and damn it Austin I did nothing for you!" She is silent again for a moment, her eyes still shut. "I wasn't there for you when you needed someone and I'm so so sorry Austin" She cries more. "I'm so sorry" she whispers.

Never in her life had she felt this much agony. The pain was both emotional and physical. Yet even though she was balling her eyes out a part of her still was in the mindset that she would see him again tomorrow. But she knew she wouldn't.

She felt so cold and alone. She only wished she could have had one more time she could tell him to stop eating in the store or to not touch something. He was so adorable when he would do those childish things. She loved him so much. She missed him with all she was.

* * *

He held the paper in his hand, shock written all over his features. His heart feeling cracked.

_Dear Dez,_

_Hi buddy. Listen, I know this is probably the most selfish thing I could do but I really can't take it anymore. I can't take life and my own mind tearing me apart. I'm so sorry. Thank you for making me smile so much and for having fun with me all these years. I'm going to miss all our crazy adventures. Don't ever stop trying to figure out how to train hamsters to be your servants. I have total faith that you will one day and I'll be cheering you on in spirit. Gosh this feels so weird to write. Anyways. I love you and I'm sorry. _

_What up?_

_-Austin (little golden toes)_

He swallowed placing the note carefully on his bedside table. He didn't understand. Austin was always such a happy go lucky person it seemed. A tear slipped out of his eyes. How could he not have seen his best friend's pain?

He began to cry more, the realization hitting him. They would never do another handshake. Never another crazy stunt. He was gone. His best friend was gone.

He was alone. Sure he had Ally and Trish but Austin was different than them. They had known each other for years. He knew all of his secrets. They did everything together. Everything. He pulled out his video camera, scrolling through the camera roll. He looked at the videos he had made with him.

A billion hits

Double Take

Jaws Dun Dun Dun

Better Together…

He started to cry again. The lump in his through erupting into a waterfall from his eyes. He wanted him back. He wanted his best friend back. He _needed_ his best friend back.

But he couldn't have him back. He was gone. Gone forever.

* * *

Life was a blur. Nothing felt real yet it all felt too real. Tears rolled down the Latina's face, staining her face.

_Dear Trish, _

_Please don't hate me for this…I'm sorry, I really am. I just can't do it anymore. I can't take feeling so empty like I do every day. I can't take hating myself. Thank you so, so, so, so much for being my manager and helping me really soar in music. You're awesome and I owe a lot of my fame to you. Can you promise me you'll take care of Ally now that I'm gone…I know what you're thinking. What a sucky thing to do…kill myself then ask you to take care of my grieving girlfriend. Yeah I know it's a sucky thing of me but I can't live in sadness any longer. Please, please, please just make sure Ally knows how much I truly love her. Honestly she is the reason I held on as long as I did. Make sure she gets hugged a lot…she really loves that…and can you bring her pickles every so often? I used to do that on occasion...she really loves it. Anyways…I'm really sorry. I really am…I guess this is goodbye… _

_-Austin_

She cried again part of her wanted to be angry at Austin. How dare he leave Ally. And Dez. And her! I mean didn't he know how important he was to them?!

She was just shocked. And angry and hurt and confused and well just about every emotion there was in the world. She really didn't know what was next.  
_

That's the thing about suicide. It seems like the answer. Well if I die...then i won't be in pain...but the thing is it brings so much pain. So much more pain to all of the people who care about you. Because no matter how worthless and alone you may feel...there will always be people who care about you. People who love you. People who if you die will spend countless hours grieving and crying over your death. No matter what you may think. You are loved by at least one person in this world.

**A/N**

**ok so idk if this story was any good but i made a really awesome cover for it that is posted on my twitter if you wanna go check it out. I'm ausllybrallie**

**Moral of this story well its all in the last paragraph...**

**on another note. I have been gone from fanfiction for probably a year and that SUCKS! i've missed writing and posting so so much! i have been working on a new story for the past year that i can't wait to post. I have about 3 more chapters left to write before i post it...So when that comes out please read it:) it will be called "Game On". **

**PLEASE REVIEW!**


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